Enough

enough: as much or as many as required; used to indicate that one is unwilling to tolerate any more of something undesirable; to the required degree or extent

http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/enough

_______________________
"The Heal of Enough"

Am I

Gin?

gin gin gin gin

gin gin gin gin

the little 'gin that could

You call 'Gin' and I want to get on-board believing 'Gin' is quite enough to get drunk on. I want to listen...want to guide hazel globes up to see you see me as you apparently do.  You tell me, 'stubborn is a huge compliment, Gin'-- gin gin gin gin, gin gin gin gin. You tell me to 'believe you're better to start rather than assuming everyone else is better, Gin' -- gin gin gin gin, gin gin gin gin.

I chug challenge, spending 34 years, give or take a few glistening moments of clarity, hungover-- dizzy, spinning, remembering in half-connected snapshots-- my head bouncing off stairs, a knife thrown, a door slammed, cop cars, guns, a park, a hole in the wall, a beard...doctors, odd instruments, hazy PET scan images and girls without hair like 'Gin'--

gin gin gin gin--
gin gin gin gin--

I steam forward, the call of the name I hear you call begging me to stay on-board with staying on track--keep on keepin' on...

I want to believe faster--heal faster. I am patient--but I'm tired-- a tired like the chemo treatment tired the night after the chemo treatment steroid buzz-- a tired where all the nerves and pathways resting just beneath my skin, pinch closed, hold at choking room temperature, whimper without making noise. I am tired 'Gin.'

But you tell me, "Don't doubt yourself, Gin" and I feel it when I let myself feel it because at that stop on the tracks-- from this side of the tracks-- I do, sometimes, feel it and so I keep going...patiently...

gin gin gin gin, gin gin gin gin,

the bigger 'Gin' that can

I am...

____________________________
I could yell 'ENOUGH' or I could yell 'NO' and I'd be saying the same thing.  I would no longer "tolerate any more of" anything that isn't something I want.  But what do I want?  What are my expectations in saying, and believing, I can yell and will say ENOUGH?

Or is it about that at all?  Is the power I give ENOUGH about the "required degree or extent" and what that means for me--the comparisons created between someone or something and Gin?

As I gin gin gin gin
gin gin gin gin
I only hope, when the train stops,
I am
enough.